Man Attempts To Pay His Bill With “Good Looks.”

Published: Monday, June 6, 2011 11:20 a.m. MDT
By Gene Simmons-Staves Associated Press

Gearney police cited Jeffrey Waterman with disorderly conduct on May 31, claiming he unnecessarily caused alarm when he unloaded his good looks and charisma onto a receptionist’s counter at a Simonsville Clinic to settle his bill.

GEARNEY — Gearney police cited Jeffrey Waterman with disorderly conduct on May 31, claiming he unnecessarily caused alarm when he unloaded his good looks and charisma onto a receptionist’s counter at a Simonsville Clinic to settle his bill. Officers say the good looks were “strewn about the counter and even spilled onto the floor.”

“I would say that I’m good looking enough,” Waterman said, “and that should be enough to settle this bill.”

Simonsville Clinic has not responded to multiple requests for comment.
Gearney City has also refused to release the police officer’s initial report for the incident — a record that is classified. Deputy recorder Roxanne Starr said the city classifies police reports as “protected” if a person is charged with a crime.

Waterman denies acting aggressively toward any clinic staffer, including the billing clerk he says refused to help him during the past month while he tried to resolve his questions about a $25 co-pay he claims he paid in December.  “I didn’t at any time flirt with them,” Waterman said, referring to the May 27 visit that landed him in hot water. “I didn’t even flash a smile.”

Waterman maintains that he calmly asked the billing clerk, “Can I pay you with my good looks?” He was prepared to pay with his debit card, he said, but she winked at him and coyly played with her hair. He figured that meant that cash wasn’t necessary. “She nonverbally suggested to me that my good looks were enough to settle this bill” Waterman said. 

That’s when Waterman really poured on the charm and splashed all over the counter and onto the receptionist.  “That’s just the nature of my good looks,” he said. “I have a whole lot of it.” 

There were people in the waiting room who witnessed the incident, but Waterman maintains that no one appeared to be bothered by it. “I’m pretty good looking, and people generally know it” he said.  “There were a few giggles and snickers from a couple old ladies and one middle-aged woman walked up to the counter and handed me her phone number,” he said. 

Waterman added that he never demanded that the business accept his good looks for payment.  “I didn’t take out a gun or anything,” he argued.  He did ask for a receipt and he said the woman wrote out what he thought was a receipt that just so happened to include her name and phone number.  “The girl handed me her number, which I figured was my receipt, I had no more business with them and I left.” Waterman said. 

After he left, the receptionist picked up the phone and called police.  ”I wasn’t trying to harm anyone or steal or anything, I was just trying to show off my body and my multi-million-dollar smile.  I figured that it would settle my bill,” he thought.  “You need to understand that I did a lot of nude modeling in college,” he said. “This is how I paid my way through med school.”

Waterman was later arrested, charged for disorderly conduct and issued a fine of $140.  “I recognize my place,” he said. “I recognize it’s a court of law and I have respect for the legal process, but I’m betting the judge gets me off for nothing more than my good looks!”

Sloan to Come Out of Retirement, Joins Boozer, Korver, and Brewer at the Chicago Bulls.

Glen Simmons-Staves Associated Press
11 Feb 2011, Salt Lake City.

Deron Williams will have to watch (and cry) with his jaw agape. After only one day of retirement, disgruntled ex-NBA Coach Jerry Sloan may be set to make his long awaited return to the court. This time, Sloan will be reuniting with a few former Jazz players as the team’s new backup shooting guard behind Ronnie Brewer. Shooting Guard, Keith Bogans has been rumored to have been traded back to the Orlando Magic last night to make room for former NBA All-Star.

Sloan’s court presence and unusually high rebounding percentages from the guard position will be greatly needed on this struggling team. During his former playing years, Sloan’s tenacity on defense earned him honors on the NBA’s all defensive team four times. This is where Sloan’s coming out of retirement comes in; the team’s struggling on defense. Reports are stating that the Lakers have serious interest in Sloan playing point guard, and may try to make a deal with the Bulls for him as soon as next week. “We simply can’t ignore the upside he’d bring, not with our situation” a team source said on Thursday after hearing of Sloan’s departure from the bench. There’s no denying that this franchise and its fans would be gushing at the fact that they may be able to get one of their all-time greats back–a savior if you will. At least that’s what they’re hoping! I’m sure Bulls brass are giddy about the potential for increased ticket sales and revenue.

Supposedly, Phil Jackson is even trying to get into contact with Sloan in order to tell him to not give up on his desire to play in the NBA. Jackson feels that Sloan still has a lot to give the league, and his retirement is premature for the talents he still possesses.

With this news, all signs are pointing to a grandiose return of Jerry “The Original Bull” Sloan–shocker! I suppose if he is available on your waiver wire you should go pick him up, as he more than likely will post good numbers. As for when he matches up against Deron Williams, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how the two work out their differences on the court. We all know of Sloan’s distaste for coming off the bench, and perhaps very soon the fans may agree with him.

With this news, all signs are pointing to a grandiose return of Jerry “The Original Bull” Sloan--shocker!

National Park Law Enforcement Officer: I had no ‘reasonable alternative’ but to shoot rabbit hunter, Mister Fudd.

"At that time I was not left with any reasonable alternative but to fire at Mr. Fudd, which I did."

By Glen Simmons Staves: Sendup.Com Senior International Correspondent

Telling his side of the Jan. 3rd fatal shooting of Elmer J. Fudd for the first time publicly, National Park Law Enforcement Officer, James Ray described the rabbit hunter as an angry-looking man, with his jaw clenched, showing signs Ray thought might have indicated an oncoming attack based on his department training.

Ray gave commands for Fudd to “drop the birdgun” — one with a sixteen inch, side-by-side barrel, when Fudd passed near his mounted unit. Ray said that the second time the hunter, who he thought was an absinthe addict, turned toward him, he noticed Fudd’s gun quickly raise to his shoulder and said the man showed signs that he was searching for something to shoot.

“And at that point, I don’t think there was much I could have done to stop him from shooting at something, or someone,” Ray told an inquest jury.  “I was not left without any reasonable alternative but to fire at Mr. Fudd, which I did.”

During much of Ray’s testimony Tuesday, done late on the second day of the shooting inquest, he looked toward the six jurors and two alternates — a group with six men and two women.

Ray, who started on patrol in early 2009, said he hadn’t met Fudd before, but had many contacts with people and animals in the forest he thought were threatening. Ray testified he thought the incident would end with a conversation, but “it became pretty serious pretty fast.”

Woman Clips off Right Foot With Toenail Clippers

 

The giant sized clippers were part of her world record collection of toenail clippers.

LEBANON, Ind (Gene Simmons-Staves Associated Press) – Kelly Gunderson, 36, of Lebanon, clipped the toes off her right foot with giant toenail clippers while trying to clip her toenails, police said.

Gunderson’s husband said that she was just lying on the edge of her bed clipping her toenails, watching Conan O’Brien when she unexpectedly lost control of her laughing and ended up clipping off the top portion of her right foot. The giant sized clippers were part of her world record collection of toenail clippers.  “She kind of had a thing about being the only person to have clipped their toenails with such large clippers,” Mr. Gunderson boasted.

Mr. Gunderson said his wife was trying to clip her big toe toenails, but hit the top of her foot instead.  “Conan had dressed up that night like an old lady and was asking people for help across the street–meanwhile making farting noises as he crossed the street.  It was hilarious, she and I both started crying because of how hard we was laughing I suppose that she just lost control while clipping,” Mr. Gunderson explained.

Mr. Gunderson said his wife was trying to clip her big toe toenails, but hit her whole foot instead.

“It wasn’t the first time she had used those clippers, but it was the first time she ever clipped off a body part,” Mr. Gunderson said.  “I told her that someday she was going to clip off her foot, but she didn’t believe me,” he added.

Mrs. Gunderson’s foot had flipped away like your toenails do and it took a while for the two of them to find it since it was lodged behind her armoire.  After locating her foot, her husband immediately took his wife and her foot to Willington Memorial Hospital, where the surgeons attempted to reattach the foot.  Unfortunately, she didn’t make it.  She completely bled out.

After locating the foot, her husband immediately took his wife and her foot to Willington Memorial Hospital,

No charges were filed against the clipper manufacturers, police said.  “You’ve just got to pay more attention when clipping your toenails regardless of the size of the clippers, said Sargent Blake McCovney of the Lebanon Police Department.  “It’s people like this that lose an eye, or something worse–this time it was something worse.

Giraffe riding; it’s Clearly Not Your Fault.

You will also learn the most common giraffe riding styles; English or Western

If giraffeback riding intimidates you, or you have an unexplained fear of giraffes, it is simply not your fault. Giraffes were once the main means of transportation in many places in the world. Then, along comes the horse, the riding animal of kings. From that point on, we have been conditioned to see only the horse as the quinesential pleasant mode of animal transport.

So, it’s not your fault, giraffes are tall animals that look intimating. You are simply reacting to a lifetime of what you have seen and been told. Well ya know what? That is about to change. You are going to love giraffes and giraffeback riding once we are through with you.

Giraffes were once the main means of transportation in many places in the world.

Thanks to a super-easy giraffeback riding adventure made for “regular people” with little or no experience around giraffes, you will quickly discover that learning to ride a giraffe can be fast, easy and fun. You can and will do it.  Your friends will think you’re really cool for taking professional giraffeback riding lessons. You’ll have your giraffeback riding skills honed in no time thanks to the easy new training adventure called,

“Akungenywa Giraffe Tours, Beginning Giraffeback Riding”

You'll have your giraffeback riding skills honed in no time

It’s an easy-to-understand and very hands-on course with easy to follow instruction time – this giraffeback riding tour shows you just what you need to know to learn to ride a giraffe for your first time. You’ll learn all of the giraffeback riding basics… how to approach a giraffe, what never to do, how to mount, how to dismount and much, much more. It’s extremely user-friendly.

All of the giraffeback riding information is explained to you in clear, concise language as long as you understand Afrikaans, so don’t feel overwhelmed. Even if you don’t understand Afrikaans, it’s not too difficult to pick it up since it’s similar to Dutch and Flemish.

Even if you don't understand Afrikaans, it's not too difficult to pick it up since it's similar to Dutch and Flemish.

Your training tour will be completed over the course of a number of days:

Day 1 – You will study the history of giraffes and giraffeback riding. This will prepare you for your new adventure. The earliest Giraffes and how they have changed. What is a Bay Giraffe? We’ll tell ya. You will also learn the most common giraffe riding styles; English or Western and which style is best for you. How tight should you hold the reins? Hugging the giraffes neck. Should you? We’ll tell you.

Day 2 – This day you will be trained on exactly how a Giraffe thinks and sees – this will help you know the best ways to approach, mount and dismount a giraffe to help gain its trust in you. Which saddle might be best for you? Have to approach a Giraffe from behind? We’ll teach you all that. This is very important for your safety!

Three-day tour of Akungenywa Park

Day 3 – You will discover how to get your Giraffe to stop instantly, how to read a Giraffe’s body language and know EXACTLY what it means when it bites at your face. Also, how to instantly recognize an outgoing friendly giraffe and how to discipline your giraffe the right way when it’s needed. Next, you’ll learn the right way to get your giraffe to start walking rather than bolting or bucking. What to expect on your second giraffeback ride, and then the third and fourth.

Day 4 – First, reading the giraffe’s ears and how they hold the key to how they are feeling. Next, you’ll learn giraffe riding for people with special needs. If you have children why not get them involved. It can be fun for them too. The joys of giraffeback riding in a complicated world filled with lions and hippos.

Day 5 - Three-day tour of Akungenywa Park begins.

Day 9 – Return to Akengenywa station for rest and relaxation.

a giraffeback rider may have a serious accident once every 35 hours

Please understand:

Giraffeback riding carries a higher injury rate than motorcycle riding. On average, motorcyclists in Africa suffer an injury once every 7000 hours of riding. By contrast, a giraffeback rider may have a serious accident once every 35 hours.

Locations and types of injury

Injuries commonly occur in the upper extremities, such as the neck, head, and shoulders. Lower extremity injuries, involving the groin, anus, and lower back, are more frequent in men and less common with women. Although most accidents occur while riding a giraffe, some take place in the stable while handling, grooming, or feeding the giraffe.  Some injuries, such as an injury to the spinal region, can leave permanent impairment, possibly resulting in paralysis. Others may cause long-term side effects, such as seizures from a head injury.

Some injuries, such as an injury to the spinal region, can leave permanent impairment, possibly resulting in paralysis.

The most frequent types of injuries are deep bruises, lacerations and severe sprains, which affect the soft tissues (skin, ligaments, tendons, and muscles). Other types of injuries include fractures, dislocations, and concussions.
Deaths resulting from giraffeback riding injuries are somewhat common. Most deaths are a result of a traumatic injury to the head.

Safety

Hard shell helmets should be worn at all times when you are mounted on the giraffe. The helmet must always be securely fastened and should be replaced after any significant impact.

Numerous injuries are related to extremeties being caught in the stirrups on dismount. A properly matched boot-stirrup combination is very important. Release catches are available on some saddles to prevent snagging if your extremety is caught. Correct positioning of the face is also important.

Riders should wear properly fitted boots and nonskid gloves. Do not wear loose-fitting or baggy clothing. All riding equipment should be maintained and inspected thoroughly before venturing out.

Please do not make out with our giraffes!

Body-protecting gear, such as the KevlarT Body Protector, can be used to prevent soft tissue injuries and rib fractures; however, it does not protect the spine from injury and does not protect against a massive crushing blow to the chest.

No giraffeplay allowed!

Amateur riders should not attempt jumps, rears, or daredevil stunts. Some giraffes that are domesticated and tamed are safer than others, but no giraffe is 100% safe. They are still wild animals and instincts generally govern their decisions! Increasing the rider’s awareness of the potential risks, wearing protective gear, and keeping equipment in good working order can reduce the risk of giraffeback riding injuries.