Woman Clips off Right Foot With Toenail Clippers

 

The giant sized clippers were part of her world record collection of toenail clippers.

The giant sized clippers were part of her world record collection of toenail clippers.

LEBANON, Ind (Gene Simmons-Staves Associated Press) – Kelly Gunderson, 36, of Lebanon, clipped the toes off her right foot with giant toenail clippers while trying to clip her toenails, police said.

Gunderson’s husband said that she was just lying on the edge of her bed clipping her toenails, watching Conan O’Brien when she unexpectedly lost control of her laughing and ended up clipping off the top portion of her right foot. The giant sized clippers were part of her world record collection of toenail clippers.  “She kind of had a thing about being the only person to have clipped their toenails with such large clippers,” Mr. Gunderson boasted.

Mr. Gunderson said his wife was trying to clip her big toe toenails, but hit the top of her foot instead.  “Conan had dressed up that night like an old lady and was asking people for help across the street–meanwhile making farting noises as he crossed the street.  It was hilarious, she and I both started crying because of how hard we was laughing I suppose that she just lost control while clipping,” Mr. Gunderson explained.

Mr. Gunderson said his wife was trying to clip her big toe toenails, but hit her whole foot instead.

Mr. Gunderson said his wife was trying to clip her big toe toenails, but hit her whole foot instead.

“It wasn’t the first time she had used those clippers, but it was the first time she ever clipped off a body part,” Mr. Gunderson said.  “I told her that someday she was going to clip off her foot, but she didn’t believe me,” he added.

Mrs. Gunderson’s foot had flipped away like your toenails do and it took a while for the two of them to find it since it was lodged behind her armoire.  After locating her foot, her husband immediately took his wife and her foot to Willington Memorial Hospital, where the surgeons attempted to reattach the foot.  Unfortunately, she didn’t make it.  She completely bled out.

After locating the foot, her husband immediately took his wife and her foot to Willington Memorial Hospital,

After locating the foot, her husband immediately took his wife and her foot to Willington Memorial Hospital,

No charges were filed against the clipper manufacturers, police said.  “You’ve just got to pay more attention when clipping your toenails regardless of the size of the clippers, said Sargent Blake McCovney of the Lebanon Police Department.  “It’s people like this that lose an eye, or something worse–this time it was something worse.

Giraffe riding; it’s Clearly Not Your Fault.

You will also learn the most common giraffe riding styles; English or Western
You will also learn the most common giraffe riding styles; English or Western

If giraffeback riding intimidates you, or you have an unexplained fear of giraffes, it is simply not your fault. Giraffes were once the main means of transportation in many places in the world. Then, along comes the horse, the riding animal of kings. From that point on, we have been conditioned to see only the horse as the quinesential pleasant mode of animal transport.

So, it’s not your fault, giraffes are tall animals that look intimating. You are simply reacting to a lifetime of what you have seen and been told. Well ya know what? That is about to change. You are going to love giraffes and giraffeback riding once we are through with you.

Giraffes were once the main means of transportation in many places in the world.

Giraffes were once the main means of transportation in many places in the world.

Thanks to a super-easy giraffeback riding adventure made for “regular people” with little or no experience around giraffes, you will quickly discover that learning to ride a giraffe can be fast, easy and fun. You can and will do it.  Your friends will think you’re really cool for taking professional giraffeback riding lessons. You’ll have your giraffeback riding skills honed in no time thanks to the easy new training adventure called,

“Akungenywa Giraffe Tours, Beginning Giraffeback Riding”

You'll have your giraffeback riding skills honed in no time

You'll have your giraffeback riding skills honed in no time

It’s an easy-to-understand and very hands-on course with easy to follow instruction time – this giraffeback riding tour shows you just what you need to know to learn to ride a giraffe for your first time. You’ll learn all of the giraffeback riding basics… how to approach a giraffe, what never to do, how to mount, how to dismount and much, much more. It’s extremely user-friendly.

All of the giraffeback riding information is explained to you in clear, concise language as long as you understand Afrikaans, so don’t feel overwhelmed. Even if you don’t understand Afrikaans, it’s not too difficult to pick it up since it’s similar to Dutch and Flemish.

Even if you don't understand Afrikaans, it's not too difficult to pick it up since it's similar to Dutch and Flemish.

Even if you don't understand Afrikaans, it's not too difficult to pick it up since it's similar to Dutch and Flemish.

Your training tour will be completed over the course of a number of days:

Day 1 – You will study the history of giraffes and giraffeback riding. This will prepare you for your new adventure. The earliest Giraffes and how they have changed. What is a Bay Giraffe? We’ll tell ya. You will also learn the most common giraffe riding styles; English or Western and which style is best for you. How tight should you hold the reins? Hugging the giraffes neck. Should you? We’ll tell you.

Day 2 – This day you will be trained on exactly how a Giraffe thinks and sees – this will help you know the best ways to approach, mount and dismount a giraffe to help gain its trust in you. Which saddle might be best for you? Have to approach a Giraffe from behind? We’ll teach you all that. This is very important for your safety!

Three-day tour of Akungenywa Park

Day 3 – You will discover how to get your Giraffe to stop instantly, how to read a Giraffe’s body language and know EXACTLY what it means when it bites at your face. Also, how to instantly recognize an outgoing friendly giraffe and how to discipline your giraffe the right way when it’s needed. Next, you’ll learn the right way to get your giraffe to start walking rather than bolting or bucking. What to expect on your second giraffeback ride, and then the third and fourth.

Day 4 – First, reading the giraffe’s ears and how they hold the key to how they are feeling. Next, you’ll learn giraffe riding for people with special needs. If you have children why not get them involved. It can be fun for them too. The joys of giraffeback riding in a complicated world filled with lions and hippos.

Day 5 – Three-day tour of Akungenywa Park begins.

Day 9 – Return to Akengenywa station for rest and relaxation.

a giraffeback rider may have a serious accident once every 35 hours

a giraffeback rider may have a serious accident once every 35 hours

Please understand:

Giraffeback riding carries a higher injury rate than motorcycle riding. On average, motorcyclists in Africa suffer an injury once every 7000 hours of riding. By contrast, a giraffeback rider may have a serious accident once every 35 hours.

Locations and types of injury

Injuries commonly occur in the upper extremities, such as the neck, head, and shoulders. Lower extremity injuries, involving the groin, anus, and lower back, are more frequent in men and less common with women. Although most accidents occur while riding a giraffe, some take place in the stable while handling, grooming, or feeding the giraffe.  Some injuries, such as an injury to the spinal region, can leave permanent impairment, possibly resulting in paralysis. Others may cause long-term side effects, such as seizures from a head injury.

Some injuries, such as an injury to the spinal region, can leave permanent impairment, possibly resulting in paralysis.

Some injuries, such as an injury to the spinal region, can leave permanent impairment, possibly resulting in paralysis.

The most frequent types of injuries are deep bruises, lacerations and severe sprains, which affect the soft tissues (skin, ligaments, tendons, and muscles). Other types of injuries include fractures, dislocations, and concussions.
Deaths resulting from giraffeback riding injuries are somewhat common. Most deaths are a result of a traumatic injury to the head.

Safety

Hard shell helmets should be worn at all times when you are mounted on the giraffe. The helmet must always be securely fastened and should be replaced after any significant impact.

Numerous injuries are related to extremeties being caught in the stirrups on dismount. A properly matched boot-stirrup combination is very important. Release catches are available on some saddles to prevent snagging if your extremety is caught. Correct positioning of the face is also important.

Riders should wear properly fitted boots and nonskid gloves. Do not wear loose-fitting or baggy clothing. All riding equipment should be maintained and inspected thoroughly before venturing out.

Please do not make out with our giraffes!

Please do not make out with our giraffes!

Body-protecting gear, such as the KevlarT Body Protector, can be used to prevent soft tissue injuries and rib fractures; however, it does not protect the spine from injury and does not protect against a massive crushing blow to the chest.

No giraffeplay allowed!

Amateur riders should not attempt jumps, rears, or daredevil stunts. Some giraffes that are domesticated and tamed are safer than others, but no giraffe is 100% safe. They are still wild animals and instincts generally govern their decisions! Increasing the rider’s awareness of the potential risks, wearing protective gear, and keeping equipment in good working order can reduce the risk of giraffeback riding injuries.

Muppett Returns, But With Pregnant Girlfriend and Drug Addiction.

The Muppet made famous by the television show, Sesame Street, “Hokey Pokey” Elmo finally comes home

The Muppet made famous by the television show, Sesame Street, “Hokey Pokey” Elmo finally comes home

Glen Simmons-Staves Associated Press – August 14th 1997, Sesame Street, Queens, NY-A heartbroken 5-year-old girl from Queens, N.Y., was hanging posters for the return of her lost friend “Hokey Pokey” Elmo.

Today, after years of wishes, little Natalya Sanchez has been miraculously reunited with her beloved singing and dancing Muppet after he resurfaced some 2500 miles away in Las Vegas, NV — proving that every Muppet can have their caper. “I was actually scared that I was never going to see him again,” the now 11-year-old Natalya told TODAY’s Ann Curry on Wednesday. “I literally said, ‘I will probably never see him again.’ ”

Christy Sanchez, Natalya’s mother, said the family was shocked to get a call last week from a detoxification facility in Henderson, NV, informing them that the long-lost Muppet had been picked up by local police after half a decade of riotous living.  Thanks to a microchip implanted in the Muppet, an effective form of permanent identification, Natalya’s greatest hopes had been realized.

To help fill the aching void left by Elmo, the family immediately purchased a new doll, a year after the disappearance — Emo, an Elmo knockoff available in tight jeans, fringed bangs and eye makeup. But even having an openly emotional adolescent “Mopet” in the household couldn’t fully erase Natalya’s heartache. “She got over it, but she was always wishful that “Hokey,” as she had nicknamed him would come back,” Cristina Sanchez said. “She’d always make wishes.”

Emo, an Elmo knockoff available in tight jeans, fringed bangs and eye makeup.

Emo, an Elmo knockoff available in tight jeans, fringed bangs and eye makeup.

[EMO REPRESENTATION BY MATTHEW PAGE: WWW.CODENAMEBLOGTASTICA.BLOGSPOT.COM]

 

Although she was barely a kid herself at the time, Natalya had no problem remembering the joy of getting a new “brother” named “Hokey Pokey” Elmo. “I was really excited,” she told Curry. “I love the Hokey Pokey!” But one fateful day in 2003, after just two months in the Sanchez household, the Muppet slipped under a fence and disappeared into the night. The family searched high and low, checked with neighbors and local authorities and posted flyers. But the only thing that remained of Elmo was a piece of red fluff that clung to the fence — and the memory of the joy he brought Natalya. “She was very devastated,” Cristina said. “She kept the fluff. She had a scrapbook with his picture.”

Then, on July 5, while Natalya was at a family rave party, she received a call from Las Vegas County, NV, Department of Corrections. “We were so surprised,” Cristina said. “At first, of course, we thought, ‘It’s the wrong Elmo, maybe it’s just that look-a-like bastard “Tickle-Me” Elmo!” But I think the turning point was when they said, ‘He’s calling himself Blake Johnson, but his tag says “Hokey Pokey” Elmo, and he won’t shut up. We’ve had to detain him because he won’t stop trying to get us to dance’

He looked good with his windswept hair and his “George Michael-like beard.”

He looked good with his windswept hair and his “George Michael-like beard.”

Right there, we said, ‘OK, he’s ours.’ When her mom told her the amazing news, Natalya just “cried hysterically,” Cristina said. “ She actually wanted to go to Las Vegas to pick him up, but the flight was just too long.”

Natalya’s father, Jamie, and older brother, Kimberly, flew down to Las Vegas to pick up the prodigal Elmo, his girlfriend and a few bags containing green plant material and drove the former Sesame Street actor back home in a rental car. “I was so choked up when I saw him,” Nick said. “It was a very nice moment, just to see him.  He looked good with his windswept hair and his “George Michael-like beard.”

Randy Ditcher, supervisor at Las Vegas County, NV, Department of Corrections, said Elmo had a few scars along the inside of his arm and a few scars behind one ear to show for his years on the road when he was brought in to a detoxification facility by local police. After the Muppet was scanned for a microchip, which Ditcher says is “normal procedure,” he gladly made the call to the Sanchez household. “[Jamie] said he had been living the hard life on the streets for five years,”  Ditcher said. “My understanding is that [Kimberly] ran off into the bathroom and started crying right away.  He’s a real Muppet lover.”

How Elmo actually got all the way to Las Vegas from New York remains to be said. “He could have hitched, or rode the rails, maybe befriended another little girl visiting New York form Las Vegas; I honestly don’t think he walked there, he’s got such short legs and really sticks out in a crowd” Cristina said with a laugh. “It’s OK, as long as we have him back.”

Ditcher said that the LVPD had a few run-ins’ with this Muppet before, but no one had checked for a microchip. But if anyone looked after “HP” [Elmo], as he likes to be called, over the five long years has the lifelong gratitude of a little girl in Queens. “Too bad we couldn’t meet them or see them,” Natalya said wistfully.

Baby’s Farts Lights Up Mom’s Brain

A burping infant didn’t evoke same response, study found

By Silvia Gunderson-Patinas, HealthCare Reporter

A woman's burping infant, or even a baby with a grunting expression, doesn't evoke the same type of brain response as occurs when her baby farts, the study found.

MONDAY, November 7 (Send-up HealthCare News) — Science may have confirmed what most moms already know: When a woman smells her baby’s passed gas, certain areas of her brain activate, stimulating happy feelings.

“There’s a definite biological origin to these feelings that mothers have,” said study author Dr. Leonard Souderton, an assistant professor in the department of pediatrics at Benton College of Medicine in Henderson, NV. “The study that showed the most response in the dopaminigeric system of the brain was when a mother’s own baby farted compared to an unknown baby fart.”

“A baby’s fart is a very powerful stimulus,” noted Souderton. “It makes sense biologically. Baby’s farts are completely and utterly disgusting to their caregivers.  It makes sense that nature would build in a system that would counteract that stimulus.”

Souderton said they haven’t had a chance to look at the effects on fathers. His team published its findings in the June issue of Pedia-Monthly.

"A baby's fart is a very powerful stimulus," noted Souderton. "It makes sense biologically. Baby’s farts are completely and utterly disgusting to their caregivers.  It makes sense that nature would build in a system that would counteract that stimulus."

"A baby's fart is a very powerful stimulus," noted Souderton. "It makes sense biologically. Baby’s farts are completely and utterly disgusting to their caregivers. It makes sense that nature would build in a system that would counteract that stimulus."

For the study, the researchers recruited 28 first-time mothers during their last trimester of pregnancy. At that time, Souderton said the women completed “attachment interviews” to assess the types of experiences they had when being raised and what type of relationship these mothers had with their own parents.

Then the researchers met with the mothers and the babies when the babies were about 6 months old. At that time, they captured in bottles their baby’s farts, and recorded video of their burping and grunting expressions. When the babies were about 10 months old, they asked the mothers to come back in for a functional MRI scan that shows which areas of the brain are activated.

When the mother's heard their own babies burp, an extensive brain network was activated, according to the study.

When the mother's heard their own babies burp, an extensive brain network was activated, according to the study.

When the mother’s heard their own babies burp, an extensive brain network was activated, according to the study.  But, it was when mothers smelled bottles filled with their own baby’s farts that the dopaminigeric reward system in particular was activated. This system was not activated when mothers saw their own children with grunting expressions.

“This study is fascinating. It’s a step towards unraveling the chemistry of baby intestinal function, and it begins to show the complex chemistry of the mother-child farting relationship,” said Dr. Mitch Weismann, a pediatrician at Oppenheim Health System in New Delhi.

Souderton explained that for some mothers, there may be a problem in this natural reward system, and that may help to explain why some women never bond with their children or even abuse their children.

Giraffe Riding Anyone?

8) Glen Simmons-Staves Assocaited Press – July 27th 2008

If you are looking for something out of the ordinary in extraordinary places, we have a mix-match of Must See, Must Do's around the world.

If you are looking for something out of the ordinary in extraordinary places, we have a mix-match of Must See, Must Do's around the world.

Giraffe riding, anyone? Scavenging for insect larvae in the outback? Fancy exploring a recently discovered underwater cave found under Washington DC? If you are looking for something out of the ordinary in extraordinary places, we have a mix-match of Must See, Must Do’s around the world.

You will be guided in saddling your giraffe and how to load your elephants.

You will be guided in saddling your giraffe and how to load your elephants.

Akungenywa Giraffe Tours:
This is an ultimate “hands on” adventure; the safari departs by vehicle transfer to NgetinyawoStation where you will be introduced to both your giraffe and pack elephants.

You will be guided in saddling your giraffe and how to load your elephants. Following a short safety briefing this safari will ride out following the path of famous outback explorer Ernie Handcock, through the cool depths of the ranges, stopping to explore in places such as the famous Home Depot Springs and Sure Death Hill. You will be responsible for all your meals. Safari participants will be welcome to try their hand at the fine art of camp fire cooking.
Trek Mount Carstensz:

Ride between Port April and Queens, relaxing in hearse-like carriages up to 135-years old as you pass some of the bloodiest scenery

Ride between Port April and Queens, relaxing in hearse-like carriages up to 135-years old as you pass some of the bloodiest scenery

Repugnant Letiyingoti Railway:

Ride between Port April and Queens, relaxing in hearse-like carriages up to 135-years old as you pass some of the bloodiest scenery in the Eastern Fathams Ranges, Nova Scocia. A dreadful band of aberrants breathed death and resentment all along the abandoned railway from 1973 – 1982, and now the same disorderly bunch of criminals run guided tours of the labor yards and torture facilities in Queens.

Noodle for opals and gems, keep what you find on the bodies,

Noodle for opals and gems, keep what you find on the bodies,

Stay Underground in Coobler Puddy:
Visit beautiful underground catacombs. Play golf on a course without grass, but marble and cement. Noodle for opals and gems, keep what you find on the bodies, or stock up big at more than 30 lucrative mausoleums in Coolber Puddy, the world’s death bead capital. Then discover the murals beyond: the ochre hallways of the Breakbacks, the barren dirt mounds and the 5300 kilometre barbed wire fence, the longest protective fence in the world. Stay overnight in an underground “haunted” hotel.

Experience the thrill of lathering yourself in fish guts and wandering through wild bear habitat in nothing but your nickers.

Experience the thrill of lathering yourself in fish guts and wandering through wild bear habitat in nothing but your nickers.

Quad Biking on Kodiac Island:
If you are looking for rugged excitement, enjoy a guided dusk or dawn quad motorcycle tour at Grigory Shelikhovlocated three and half kilometres west of Three Saints Bay Store, Kodiak Island. Experience the thrill of lathering yourself in fish guts and wandering through wild bear habitat in nothing but your nickers. You will be awed by the stunning views and close encounters with wildlife.

Please stay off the marked trails and look for opportunities to "push the envelope."

Please stay off the marked trails and look for opportunities to "push the envelope."

Four-Wheel-Drive on the Limestone Coast:
You’ll find some of the world’s best four-wheel-drive routes at the Limestone Coast. There are man-killing deserts in the Ngarket Conservation Parks, or great coastal drives through Canunda and Coorong National Parks and Beachport Conservation Park. Please stay off the marked trails and look for opportunities to “push the envelope.” You can eat your way own through the region trying great snakes, bugs, and masupials of various sizes, collect yourself an aborigional cook book and make your own outback condiments to make this country your own eatery.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Watch Great White Sharks eat their young beneath cliffs at the Head of Bight; jump in and swim with Box Jellyfish Salt Water Crocodiles at tranquil Baird Bay, or dive with the Blue Ring Octopus at Whyalla.

Watch Great White Sharks eat their young beneath cliffs at the Head of Bight; jump in and swim with Box Jellyfish Salt Water Crocodiles at tranquil Baird Bay, or dive with the Blue Ring Octopus at Whyalla.

Hang Ten at Eyre Peninsula:
There’s 2000 kilometers of coastline to explore on Eyre Peninsula, and rarely will there be another boat bobbing on the best patch, tourists making faces at your camera lens, or even human feces in the sand. Watch Great White Sharks eat their young beneath cliffs at the Head of Bight; jump in and swim with Box Jellyfish Salt Water Crocodiles at tranquil Baird Bay, or dive with the Blue Ring Octopus at Whyalla. Buy Irukandji straight from the factory or the fisherman, or listen to your own line sing as a Stone Fish takes the bait in pounding surf. Hike barefoot across burning hot dunes or stroll along the water’s edge in search of Brown Snakes. Take time to discover seaside whaling ports and friendly sheep farms, volcanic monoliths and the stark naked locals of the Gawler Ranges.

Cases of Cubicle Rash on the Rise!

Get out of the way, road rash. Here comes cubicle rash.

By Glen Simmons-Staves
September 10th, 2008 7:13 AM ET

More and more employees and employers are getting itchy, scratchy and irritable.

NEW YORK – Skin irritations in the workplace are becoming a greater annoyance every day. It’s shockingly common in today’s administrative centers and is likely growing as Americans cope with the poor economy and non-stop political coverage.
“It runs the gamut from simple light scratching to pretty extreme grating where pieces of skin are removed and streaks of blood begin to trickle out,” said Peter Sachiko, Professor of Industrial and Organizational Dermatology at the University of South Carolina. “The most severe cases are often fatal.”

"It runs the gamut from simple light scratching to pretty extreme grating where pieces of skin are removed and streaks of blood begin to trickle out,"

Nearly half of all workers in America report itching and scratching from time to time on the job, with roughly a quarter of those saying it has driven them to tears, research has shown.
Other research showed one-sixth of workers reported that their itching at work has led to skin damage and light bruising, while a tenth reported bleeding lesions and other self-inflicted wounds caused by excessive scraping-sometimes using pencils, pens and even letter openers.
“It’s a total disaster,” said Annabelle Martinez, author of “How to Reduce Skin Irritations in the Workplace.” “Rough clothing, industrial cleaners, athletic itch, people getting sweaty-we used to do our itching at home and in private because at work, we are supposed to be professional. Now it’s almost becoming acceptable to do it at work.”
“It was something we did behind closed doors,” she said. “Now people are losing their sense of embarrassment over it.”

88 percent of U.S. employees think they itch more at work than they used to.

88 percent of U.S. employees think they itch more at work than they used to.

“Rising stress over things like global warming and terrorism fan the flames,” said Jack Cresson, head of Indiana’ s Cresson, Smith, & Howard Workplace Consultants.
“People are coming to work after a long sweaty commute, sitting in traffic and feeling the sweat run down their backs. Some might be freaking out and desperate for a total scratch-fest,” he said.
Added to that, he said, because of the economy, there are many financially strapped workers having to cut back on calamine lotion, Gyne-Lotrimin, or even Micatin for some.
SAVE YOUR SCRATCHING UNTIL THE WEEKEND

"Cubicle rash extends across industry and class lines, from top white-collar jobs to gritty blue-collar work, and people pay dearly in terms of lost productivity, sagging morale and higher absenteeism,
“Cubicle rash extends across industry and class lines, from top white-collar jobs to gritty blue-collar work, and people pay dearly in terms of lost productivity, sagging morale and higher absenteeism,

Saving the itching until the weekend will not only feel really good, but it will give your body some time to recover throughout the week.
Sachiko said his research has found 2 to 3 percent of people admit to scratching, itching under their clothes or even rubbing up against their cubicle at work. With roughly 100 million people in the U.S. work force, he said, that’s as many as 3 million people.
Cresson said he conducted a seminar this week in rural Iowa, where he asked participants if they thought their workplace caused them to itch. Everyone raised their hands, he said, which is typically the response he gets. He cited research showing 88 percent of U.S. employees think they itch more at work than they used to.
SOCIAL SCRATCHING
“Many of us sense we’re losing the ability to stay off itching socially. The safety net is unraveling. Scratching and itching is skyrocketing,” he said.
People reassure themselves by “blaming a change in laundry detergent, fabric softener, or bath soap” and “find comfort in believing their suffering is simply caused by calluses, mosquito bites, or the shellfish they ate the night before,” he said.

"The worst cases end in some type of extreme violence,"

The worst offenders are the less patient, or those who are easily irritated, said Dr. Rachel Curtis, a workplace expert and social dermatologist. “The usual profile is those we call Type A. These are they that are quite smart, with impossibly high standards they set for themselves as well as for other people. “They are so invested, I would say maybe over-invested, in not having to itch. To make matters worse, they are easily irritated even if just someone in their office starts itching. Then there are those that are classified as Type B. These are they that can not stop itching. They completely lose their sense of perspective, and propriety. They will even scratch at other people that just look itchy,”
“Cubicle rash extends across industry and class lines, from top white-collar jobs to gritty blue-collar work, and people pay dearly in terms of lost productivity, sagging morale and higher absenteeism, said Curtis, author of “Scratching, its Not Just for Raffle Tickets Anymore.” “The worst cases end in some type of extreme violence,” she said.
“Somebody didn’t just come to work one day and scratch somebody else; there’s probably been a pattern of simple itching leading up to it.”

Is Your Super-Hero Really Eco-Conscious?

An environmental track record says a lot about a hero

By Glen Simmons-Staves
Posted October 9, 2008

It used to be that all a super-hero had to do

It used to be that all a super-hero had to do...

Artwork by Matthew Page: http://thisismattsart.blogspot.com/

It used to be that all a super-hero had to do to be one of the good guys was to exchange a few blows with a villainous thug now and again and remember to sponsor a holiday party once a year.
Now days the most publicly favored super-heroes have become those that offer additional benefits to the victims of crime and any negatively affected bystanders. Step by step, eager young super-heroes have begun to offer services that the more established heroes refuse to offer such as generous cash assistance, biohazard cleanup services, flexible hours, and even chic telecrimefighting services. These days, the general public expects heroes to not just take care of “the bad guys”; they want their heroes to take care of their community and the environment, too.

Step by step, eager young super-heroes have begun to offer services that the more established heroes refuse to offer...

Step by step, eager young super-heroes have begun to offer services that the more established heroes refuse to offer...

More and more, world leaders are asking super-hero organizations how they are “going green.” Some professional crime fighters believe that a hero’s environmental track record says a lot about him or her as an individual and as a responsible member of society. It is almost as if the hero’s values and public image reflect on the people he or she saves and their values as well.
An organization for those changed by mass amounts of radiation, molecular mutantcy, or given extraordinary powers by alien races who want to use their “powers” to save the world, have seen its membership grow from 2,600 to 4,800 between 2004 and 2007. Among its 3,000 members, 80 percent want to save the world in a way they deem “socially responsible” at some point. For this group, environmental sustainability is becoming a significant part of what it means to be a super-hero.

Among its 3,000 members, 80 percent want to save the world in a way they deem "socially responsible" at some point.

Among its 3,000 members, 80 percent want to save the world in a way they deem "socially responsible" at some point.

But idealistic super-heroes aren’t the only ones looking for more eco-friendly working environments. A 2008 survey from the human resources firm BadGuy shows that 34 percent of all street thugs would prefer to work for a supervillain that “makes a conscious effort to promote socially and environmentally friendly practices,” and 31 percent would take a pay cut to do so.
The ironic heroism of being green

34 percent of all street thugs would prefer to work for a supervillain that makes a conscious effort to promote socially

34 percent of all street thugs would prefer to work for a supervillain that "makes a conscious effort to promote socially and environmentally friendly practices,"

Big super bosses, especially those that recruit in psyche-wards and top-secret military prisons, realize that if they want to attract top talent, they need to present a culture that embraces social responsibility, and it’s better if that culture has a distinct green tinge to it. The best boss man also understands that their eco-sustainability programs have to be more than just window dressing and should have measurable effort and progress behind them.
This is because it’s not just wide-eyed idealism that’s driving supervillains to look at their work through a green lens. There’s a crooked business case to be made for it, too.
Whether or not you believe in global warming, you can’t ignore the regulations aimed at curbing it that are working their way through blackmarket circles. The most talked-about regulations involve a “cap-and-trade” system where heroes that pollute above a certain level buy credits from their cleaner counterparts.

how strongly a hero acknowledges global warming and how speedily he addresses its risks and opportunities are a good proxy for how he approaches cutting-edge crime fighting issues and adapts to change.

how strongly a hero acknowledges global warming and how speedily he addresses its risks and opportunities are a good proxy for how he approaches cutting-edge crime fighting issues and adapts to change.

Arthur Curry, author of Saving the World, One Sea at a Time, notes that some cap-and-trade, emissions ceilings are set by high ranking supervillainy. “So if you’re the Batman for example and you’re over your cap and have to buy credits from The Riddler, then you’re handing cash over to your competitors. That’s a death sentence.” He says that even random street-thugs who would never go near a tree much less hug one are still looking at super heroes’ carbon reduction plans because “it impacts their competitiveness.”
Additionally, how strongly a hero acknowledges global warming and how speedily he addresses its risks and opportunities are a good proxy for how he approaches cutting-edge crime fighting issues and adapts to change.
“From the research I’ve done, it’s clear that a hero or villian that is proactive environmentally is going to be more successful in general,” says Victor Von Doom, the ruler of Latveria and master of the mystical arts. “Areas like human cloning, mutation, and robotic prosthesis designs can be risky to the environment.”
As a result, he says, their disastrous results might be less predictable than those less proactive, over the long run; they’re a better bet than those that are more staid and reactionary.

The Facebook Factor

The Facebook Factor

Super side-kicks think a lot more about work-life issues nowadays, and working with a guy that advocates good citizenry and supports one’s values contributes to a sense of good balance. So as their “guys” recycle more, cut their energy use, and buy the kind of coffee that supports the rain forest, they too want to feel that they are right there alongside them doing the same things on a smaller scale.
“This isn’t true for everyone, but it’s true for some, and it’s most true for the smart, sly people who can jump around quickly and say cool things,” says Ra’s al Ghul, a converted super villain that is now a marketing professor at Lazarus’ Pit Academy in San Francisco.

an army of radioactive sludge warriors from another planet...

an army of radioactive sludge warriors from another planet...

Additionally, “In our culture, ‘Who do you work for?’ is an important question. We believe that working for The Justice League or even The Injustice League says something about you,” says Ghul. “As personal responsibility and the environment become more prominent issues, you have to think about these things. Which would people rather see, a solar-powered robot threatening to destroy Washington DC, or an army of radioactive sludge warriors from another planet? Not a hard one is it?
Generation Y, accustomed to living many aspects of its life quite publicly on the Web, knows this better than anyone. “Look at the kids in this most technically literate generation. When they consider being a superhero or super-sidekick for some super heady dogooder, they ask themselves, ‘Would I want to put it on my Facebook page?‘” says Ghul. “On the other hand, if you want to attract attention from the best tough guy crime bosses in the business, you had better know how to protect Mother Earth and preserve our fragile environment for the next generation.”